Reviews about movies, and other stuff.

Rated: PG
Running Time: 91 Minutes
Year: 2006
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: I don't know what was scarier the kids or the house.

When the previews for Shrek came out whenever that was some time ago. I though to myself. Holy crap I am not going to go see this movie, do you see what the humans look like. They are freaking me out! However, eventually I did go see it and I liked it very much. I got over the way the humans looked in that movie. Also watched Shrek 2 and had a grand old time. The same thing happened with the preview for Monster House. The kids, looked, UGLY. However thanks to my past with Shrek, it wasn't going to stop me once again from watching this movie. Maybe it should have.

I would say for a kids movie, this one is pretty scary. The story is pretty cool, fits into that whole, "Are you afraid of the dark" type story. Some of those were pretty good for being on Nickelodeon. So this too, was pretty good, as far as it being scary. If the story stayed as it was and the casting and human's were cast better, then it would have worked really well.

Some reason though the face to voice presentation was HORRIBLE. It was like this person should not sound like they do. Fred Willard as the dad. Maggie Gyyyyeeennhalllallll as the teen babysitter it just did not work at all. Then the fat kid. The fat kid was horribly annoying throughout the whole movie. I wish the house would have killed him so he would STFU. So the weird voice work, with the ugly faces and the horrible fat kid really turned off the story. I just couldn't hang with it. I mean I watched it all, but it was hard. The story pretty ok, the house art was awesome, really good, the humans, and the voices not good at all. If you have mid older kids, then it might be good to rent, but the adults looking for it, can skip it.

Rated: R
Running Time: 101 Minutes
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: That's what life is, a series of down endings.

Ok so the ad's say things like Hilarious. Must See. The previews overall allude to a funny movie. But for those that have not seen it, the movie is funny in the last 5 minutes the rest of the movie is far from funny. This movie is a kick in the balls over and over again and in the last 5 minutes hopes to fix it all with a funny little scene. For the most part I think it worked because everyone is gushing over this movie. OMG so real, so true, so wonderful.

I do not get why we people praise dysfunction as wonderful. The movie was pretty much sad and pathetic, and not uplifting to me at all. These people are fucked. Their plans, their lives, everything they had going for them, is gone, they are royally fucked. Yet it's ok because were gonna have a funny skit at the end. How is this movie great? I don't get it. I found it to be solidly depressing with no hope, and nothing about it will as one person from IMDB quoted "Go see it and be thoroughly entertained." I was not thoroughly entertained, I was thoroughly uncomfortable and felt sad for these people. Their horrible decisions and dysfunction is going to leave them and their cute daughter out in the cold and fucked.

Yes, the last scene was quite funny and quite cute, and there were some silly things that happened that might make you smile, but everything between those scenes was just another sad event or poor decision, or horrible view into these peoples lives. I don't know I don't get it. I think it was well put together from a movie aspect. I got it. I just didn't like it at all. I would never watch this movie again and not feel bad about it at all.

Rated: R
Running Time: 110 Minutes
Year: 2006
Boobs: At least 10 pairs, if not more.
One Sentence: This ain't no super troopers.

Well it is looking more and more like Super Troopers was perhaps a fluke. I hate to say that, but I bring the truth. I am binded by my vow of the movie reviewer, to not sugar coat anything just for the sake of it being about a bunch of drunk dorks and lots of boobies. How can it be bad? The trailer looked awesome. The movie is about beer drinking. A competion in beer drinking. Somehow however, I would not say this movie is better than just ok. Sadly.

I think it had all the right elements. It had a silly backstory, a good concept, a not horrible script, tons of naked faked boobed girls, and broken lizard. It should have worked. It just didn't. The jokes were flat, and the execution of those jokes, were either standard expected old hat comedy, or just didn't come off as hilarious to me. I don't know what happened. It just didn't do a good job of conveying the jokes, the execution was poorly done.

Also the movie was 2 hours long. It just kept going, it was way too long, they should have slimmed it down a little bit more. I think it was about 20 minutes too long. It might have worked a little better, maybe I wouldn't have felt like some of the jokes were terrible if they shortened it and tried a little bit more with the jokes they had. I just can't say go see in this in the theater, and I would say only the hardcore fan even need rent it, which you might not think it is that good anyway.

Rated: R
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Year: 2005
Boobs: A few pairs!
One Sentence: The director of House of the Dead returns for more video game vampires!

If you didn't catch my review for House of the Dead it is right here. Anyway you will be glad to see I did not give this movie, BloodRayne, 1 star. But it was damn close. I never played the game, so I have no idea what it was about, but if this movie was any indication of the shit ass plot, I will never play that game.

This movie much like Uwe Boll's previous flick, was about as clear as the dyed red chocolate syrup splattered across Kristanna Loken's face throughout the movie. It had something to do with a bad Vampire, that was played by Ben Kingsely, How did they get fucking Ghandi, in this movie I will have no clue. The bad vampire, was bad, I guess but I never saw him do one bad thing, I guess you are automatically bad because you are a Vampire. So the Terminator, I mean Bloodrayne wanted to stop the evil Vampire. Also Michael Madsen was in it, and he was fat. Michelle Rodriguez was in it, and she was overacting and always angry. Billy Zane was in it with a horrible wig. And Meat Loaf was in it, also with a bad wig, but he had a bunch of hot naked sluts all up on his business, you know like in real life.

I might have been able to get past the shit ass plot, if there were other cool things to tell you about. I guess there was one good thing to report, Kristanna Loken shows off her ta's and gets all fucked in this flick, but it is not enough to rent it. The attempted other cool thing was the blood and fighting. The fighting was pathetic, it looked like they didn't rehearse and no one was trained how to swing a sword. They all looked like they were about 90 years old trying to swing a broadsword and hit the broadside of a barn. When the sword connected, the blood sprayed across the walls, and the faces of those fighting a thick blood, heavy like latex paint, it probably was latex paint. It looked so fake and overdone, that it too just added to the sadness of everyone involved in this flick.

I wouldn't say it sucked enough to give it a 1, but it is pushing it, and unless you have an uber hard on for the Terminator, there is no good reason to rent this movie.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 135 Minutes
Year: 2005
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Whaaaaa I have AIDS, I can't pay rent.

In the most disappointing film so far this year comes the film version of the huge 1996 Broadway hit, Rent. 1 Year after I graduated high school, coming off the high of being a great stage manager for many plays throughout my high school career, the thought or Rent was huge to me. Young, hip, new, exciting, edgy, everything we thought of when we were doing Steel Magnolias and hoping for something new and hot. I never got to see Rent, I don't live in NY and over time have gone to dislike the city quite a bit. So I never saw Rent, then I heard it was coming to the screen and I was re-peaked with the excitement of 10 years ago. I never made it to the theater however, and finally rented it. Maybe Broadway isn't for me.

I would not say that the movie wasn't bad in any way as far as musical's go. It was no Chicago or Mulan Rouge, but it was solidly put together. The sets, and cast, scenes and even some of the songs were ok. It was all right as far as any of that stuff goes. I am trying to think of something especially cool, I did like the song in the Restaurant. So I guess keep an eye out for that one. The actor's who were mostly from the original cast 10 years ago were fine. Nothing amazing, but nothing terrible either. It was all just ok.

My problem was the story, this story, that has been critically acclaimed for all these years. Tony awards, Pulitzer's and a movie made 10 years later. Nothing but good praise, and something that was in my head as something powerful, or life changing, was nothing more than a bunch of whiny lazy motherfuckers who don't pay any rent and do not contribute to society in anyway. We are supposed to feel sorry for you because you were addicted to Heroin and got AIDS, and now that you have AIDS all you do is sit around all day and try to write 1 song. And have not paid rent in a year? Fuck you! Get you a job you lazy fucks. You are not sick yet. The whole story was about these people and I guess their struggle in life. Yes, I am sure it is tough to live your life knowing you are going to die, but not everyone had AIDS, and they didn't contribute to anything in the world at all. FUCK FUCK FUCK! It was like entitlement bullshit that is so prevalent with people today, you are entitled to jack shit, get a fucking job and earn your way you lazy lie about! No songs, no movies, no art, get a real job, when you make money then you can write your song that no one is going to buy. I don't care what your problem is. Don't be fucking dumb next time and maybe you won't be dying now do you have my rent money? No, then get the fuck out!

How is this type of attitude or behavior worth praise and awards? Because they have AIDS. Contribute to society, then you get praise. I would not even rent this crap.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 143 Minutes
Year: 2005
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: So I didn't know that one of the best musicals in the world only has one musical number.

I once said that Joel Schumacher was my favorite director. Falling Down, The Lost Boys, St. Elmos Fire, he had the hits. He HAD the hits. His movies have gone downhill a bit, but I would never say that he was a poor director. He seemed to have a point of view of fantasy that he could portray on film. A love of reds, and fog and darkness, the feel that he could create would be something needed for this film. The set's were amazing, and the feel was whimsical. An opera house in Paris in the mid 1800's was the home of the Phantom, for the screen version of the most famous stage musical ever created. The choice's of color and lights, and candles, angles and costumes, and makeup, the visual experience of Phantom is wonderfully executed, and really is a site to see. But sets and costumes, do not make the movie, they help, and they can add to a movie, but if you don't have a cast, you really are going to lose your audience.

The lead female portraying Christine, was a 16 year old girl, who could sing, I guess, in a high pitched voice that will become embedded into your brain over the next 2 hours and 20 minutes. The Phantom was also a young man as opposed to Michael Crawford from the stage play. His voice in some parts on par with what I have heard of Crawford's but in some others, too young or lacking the depth to really portray the role that I was expecting. The rest of the cast too seemed a bit less than I was expecting, of such a grand project. It felt like amateur hour to me.

I have not seen the stage play, I have heard some of the music. I am aware of the story, but I had never seen it. I am going to say this, and I know that the play might be different, and I know that I might get shut away by some for saying it, but I feel it is the truth. HOLY FUCK THIS MOVIE IS SOOOO BORING!!!!! It was a total snore fest. First of all what in the hell is up with the music, is really most of the play the same musical number with different lyrics for most of the play. I was tired of hearing the same thing, over and over and over again. Also this wasn't a musical, it is an opera, I guess with the name one would suspect, but I thought it was a musical about an opera, not an actual opera, which is most or all of the lines are sung. This story, didn't have the intensity to only be sung. Or perhaps it was the singers, but it was so flat. The music wasn't powerful, it did not evoke emotion, and I didn't feel wowed past the first few minutes. At about one hour into it I was looking at how much longer I had to go. It was so long, I could not wait for it to be over. And once the credits rolled, I didn't feel weepy, or amazed or anything. The only thing I thought was thank god that is over.

So...in conclusion, sets and costumes awesome. The rest not very good to me. Skip it.

Rated: R
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Year: 1983
Boobs: 3 pairs
One sentence: Remember everyone she is 18 in this movie.

Remember that academy award winning movie I said I was going to write a review about? I bet you didn't think it would be Flashdance. Which won an academy award for best song. It also was nominated for a Golden Globe for best movie of the year Musical or Comedy. (But also a razzie for worst screenplay) Now while I agree that the song, and all the music in this movie is actually quite good, this as a movie, with a story, should not win best anything ever.

This movie has no dialog. No back story, no romance, no interesting characters, and so little dialog that you have no clue what is going on with anyone or why they would do anything as they are doing it. The main character is 18 years old, and I guess is getting old, or something, and has to make it in the world, but dreams to be a dancer at the academy. She ends up dating the owner of a construction company, and after telling him no she doesn't want to date him quite a few times, fucks him after 1 date for pizza. So there is this poor 18 year old dancer/welder fucking a 36 year old guy that has never had a dance class in her life, who is like a dancer at this club, and deals with the stress of dating a guy in a Porsche, and living in an amazing loft. There are some other very short uninteresting sub-plots in there as well, but they suck too. Most of this movie was terrible, but it is not getting 1 star and I will tell you why.

Maniac, and the rest of the songs from this movie. These songs, really were some of the biggest electronic pop hits of the early 80's. What a feeling, Maniac, and whatever else is on there. You know them all and they were all huge. The soundtrack is one of the best selling ever, and sold 700,000 copies in the first 2 weeks of release. The other reason is the dancing, which is actually quite good. Some inventive scenes made for quite a good range of dancing from pop, to break dancing to ballet. These two things were in my opinion quite solid parts of the film, but the rest of the story was so substandard it really would have been better as some music videos from the 80's instead of an actual movie.

Rated: R
Running Time: 94 Minutes
Year: 2005
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Not even Ryan Reynolds can save us from the suck.

Wrapping up my all suck movie weekend we watched Waiting sometime this last week. I had faith in Anna Farris, who I loved in Scary Movie, I also think she is cute. Also Ryan, who is pretty awesome in anything he does. I was thinking this movie really could go either way and really had the potential to do something great. And by great I mean shitty, but enjoyable, not great like Shawshank. Instead it was shitty shitty. And by shitty shitty I mean not really a good movie.

I hate like gross out stuff, like poop and puss, and spit and things that come out of your body that are not being shot onto a naked 19 year olds face. This movie was filled with stuff like that and adding food into the mix really did not keep it into the higher star rankings. At least for me, if you are into that type of stuff then go for it. For me, yea, it was just dirty. The whole movie felt that way, like unwashed dennys tile floors being rubbed against my face while gravy came out of a dirty toilet pipe and covered me from head to toe. Just not a fresh feeling. And this might have been ok if it was funny enough to save it, but it wasn't funny really either. Kind of slow, stale plot, forced jokes that some came off with a chuckle, but most didn't hit the mark at all. After reflection of the movie I just was like ugh, that was really bad. And again the whole gross thing doesn't really work for me.

Also we are talking about a crude R rated movie here, and what do I expect when I am watching a crude R rated movie, nudity, and I got some gross unshaven box shot, but nothing hot, nothing gratuitous, and certain no boobies. What is wrong with America, do you not like boobies anymore, what is up with this! Rated R! The whole movie has sex jokes, dick jokes, fart jokes, spitting in food jokes, that all sucked and you couldn't get some girl to even take off her top for whatever reason. Pathetic. Don't rent this movie. Save yourself the frustration and sick feelings.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 83 Minutes
Year: 2006
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Poor Willow, someone give her a job!

I am back from vacation, I bet you didn't even know I was gone. Well that is because I didn't tell you. I am not going to run everything by you ok. While on my vacation but still in town we went and saw Date Movie. It really was in support of Allison, because well she was Willow, and she deserves to have work, and to have work people have to go see her movies, even if they do look like piles of crap.

The Scary Movie crew seem to have forgotten what made lightning strike. Or maybe the other 4 writers are what really made a movie funny, because this movie, was how do I put this, so as to not really give you the wrong impression. Really isn't something I think anyone really needs to see. I think except for a few very brief funny things, this movie as a whole was just not good. I like spoofs, and there were a lot of them. Tons of different date movies were all intertwined in this one, but it just didn't save it at all. I found it to be gross, lame, not funny, and really reaching for something to hold it together. It really didn't do well with any part of the movie.

I did like the spoofs, they were really apparent, some were clever. Also because Allison braved a lot to do this movie this is not getting a 1 star, but i am being nice here, and really doing it for her, because she was a good sport and did so much for me, at night when I was alone in front of the computer...but we will not go into that. So yea, I would skip it. Completely.

Rated: PG
Running Time: 76 Minutes
Year: 2005
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: I like Johnny Depp better as a pirate.

In what was another low mark on the once great Tim Burton's resume, we have Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, which implements the same style of stop motion animation that was used in the wildly sucessful, Nightmare Before Christmas. I am sure you saw the commericals, saw that it looked like Nightmare Before Christmas, but didn't go see it. Pulling in just over 50 Million on a 40 Million dollar budget, not that many people saw it. With Tim Burton, and the same animation it should have been a lot better showing.

What it goes to show is that even with all those great marketing gimmicks, and star names, a crappy story, and boring characters, will a lot of the time not get people in the seats if there is nothing else that will get you there. And even the kids saw right though this flick.

It was pretty, I do have to say that, this is the first movie to ever be shot of digital SLR cameras. Canon 1D's with Nikon Lenses. It looked great, and the animation was really well done. The flowing of the Corpse Brides dress. The coloring of the shots, and feel that the sets gave. And the character models, were just as great as they were in Nightmare. Fun shapes, and cool ideas. Sadly, this was about the best thing in the movie.

The story was boring, I just didn't really care. I was so slow and predictable, it didn't cause the imagination to peak, or to filled with dread or happiness, or anything. It was very flat, and slow. Another thing that I feel doomed the movie, was the lack of marketable characters, or likable characters. I didn't want a Victor doll, or a Corpse Bride keychain, or care what happened to them. They were not fun. While thier shapes were creative, thier personalities were as stale as the story they were portraying.

So in the end, if you like the animation, totally rent it, to check out what they did, it was good work. For anyone else, I would say that you probably are not missing much by not watching this.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 97 Minutes
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero

This was Liberties first pick from her queue, she now has her own queue that she gets to pick her own movies from. So the flavor might change a little sometimes from the usual selections, but I would not expect to see much different stuff.

This is not a romantic comedy, I would like you all to know this, that reguardless of if you watch this movie, it is NOT a romantic comedy. It's like some sort of comming of age movie, with Brittnay Murphy. The crack head grows ups. But she still looks like a crack head.

This movie was not funny, not good, not interesting, not well thought out, has a terrible premise, and was really cheesy. I just didn't really like it very much. It wasn't the evil deceitful story line either, which was a strike against it. It was just not funny, which could have been a saving grace for it. But it wasn't. There were a couple funny parts in it but overall it was not. There was hockey in it, but not like a game, just refrences to it, which does give it a couple cool points.

The only other cool points were the hot girls, which included Holly Hunter, and crackhead Murphy, which I think is hot. The other girls, were hot too. But hot girls does not make the movie, especially when they are not taking off thier clothes, and the movie isn't funny. I guess it was all right, but I would not really reccomend it.

Rated: NR
Running Time: 93 Minutes
Year: 2003
Boobs: 3 Pairs

Bam, loved, or hated, the hot shit right now. Creator of so much, launcher of so many, and destructor of parents and property, Bam Margera is skateboarding and MTVs golden boy right now. So among all this other stuff that is going on, Jackass, CKY, Viva la Bam, Skateboarding, he decided he was gonna EP and Direct a movie about dunn, and what happened when his ex kept cheating on him. The partially true story is sorta a love story, sorta jackass, sorta viva la bam, and has just about everyone from everyone of those shows.

This movie is as bad as it is funny, it really walks a fine line of terrible in most all of its parts, but slightly good on the underside of it all. It is disgusting, vile, crude and lacking the comedy with the "jokes" they put into the movie, anything scripted to be funny was not at all. However it is also finely acted by Ryan Dunn, and the underlying story is not that bad of a concept, and almost showed I think what happened to anyone that was seeing someone that they lost for whatever reason. The humor and inside jokyness that was not really scripted but was more like a Bam thing was pretty funny at times, and made me laugh.

What it seemed like to me was the movies me and my friend made back in the day with a bit more money but just as terrible. There were some way too long transitions that looked good but really had nothing to do with the movie and were just used for filler, and most of the jokes just didn't work very well. There was a plus to Bam's real girlfriend showing off her fake ta's a couple times and Don Vito did a good job being obsessed with his grapes. A couple other naked boobs, and some funny parts, but overall totally passable, I would not even rent.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 120 Minutes
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero

With a tag line like, "Twelve is the new Eleven." I should have known something was up right from the beginning. But how could it have been bad? It is the sequel to Ocean's Eleven, I mean that movie was awesome, and with the perfect cast (not counting Julia) how on earth could they fuck this up? How? It's not really that possible as long as you have an all right script, it will work, won't it? No, I guess it won't.

This movie should not even have the same name, they might as well called it Ocean's crap, becuase that is what it was. It was like the simpler less smart, slower, younger prequel to Ocean's Eleven, that no one saw becuase it was not that good. Everything about this movie seemed about half as good as the original. The heist was far less grand, I didn't even care about the object, it was not very cool or high profile at all. The characters were not looked at in any way. Some people had 10 lines of dialogue, and I am talking about the original 11, they were not used very well nor did you get very much of that connection that was in the first. The first one had a coolness about it, just that smoothness that flowed and was awesome all around. 12 was scatered, convuluted, and didn't know where it was going at any one time. There was some attempted "smart dialogue" but really was not smart, or maybe it was so smart, that it didn't make sense.

The storyline was a failure as well, there was, what I guess was a twist ending. But it was not a twist, it was more like a out of left field change in the whole story, that downgraded the already boring movie to a complete waste of time in the last 5 minutes. It really left a bad taste in my mouth in a movie that maybe could have had something pulled out to make it mildly cool, but instead really left you going, What! That's fucking lame.

There were some pluses however, BruceWillis, and Topher Grace playing themselves and Andy Garcia were good. But other than that, I can not think of too much that I liked about this movie. It let me down and now I am sad.

Rated: R
Running Time: 82 Minutes
Year: 2002
Boobs: Zero

This is not a comedy, this is a documentary, about comedy, which I think people need to know up front so they are not expecting something that this movie is no where close to being. This is a day in the life of a Comedian, this comedian happens to be Jerry Seinfield this time however not just some no name, and becuase he is Executive Producer, I am sure he had a little leway with what was shown. But anyway it's mostly him and this other guy named Orny Adams a lesser known who they also follow around to give a view from I think the super stars and the nobodys. This movie is made to show the process of comedy, not the end product that you see when whomever goes up on stage.

The movie itself is a dark dank look of the basements of the New York Comedy scene and the world that 99% of the comics of this world travel to back and forth every night hoping for laughs and to get thier big break. In a poorly mixed audio nightmare of movie the visuals, people, and process is almost completly boring and useless and unless you are totally interested in comedy would prolly not even care about watching. The audio is especially bad with a overpowered excellent soundtrack layed over hard to hear bitching comics talking about the process and thier lives. If you did notice I did say excellent soundtrack, which is trule what it is, perfectly selected jazz hits and lesser known tracks that really pulled me in, in the beginning and kept me watching the credits at the end, unfortuantly the soundtrack is not available anywhere. Most of the scenes are shot very low light, and are really hard to see and with the bad audio you can not read thier lips so easily to make out a lot of speech, I had a lot of trouble understanging a lot of people.

The comics, well this is where it got a little better, the two main characters were a bit of a great contrast, you have Jerry, a safe well off comic who is re-inventing himself as a stage act, who is old and seasoned and still freaking out over his new act. However is not very interesting at all, and except for a little insight into his world, was not anything new. Then there was Orny Adams, a completly nurotic, annoying terrible idiot, who was actually funny on stage but the person he was, was just a sick display of human. He made me want to never see him if he ever comes to Austin at how terrible he was. It was just no good. Then you had a huge cast of others who are there hanging out with Jerry, including Manager to the stars George Shapirio, Jay Leno, Cosby, Ray Romano, Chris Rock, Robert Klien, and a few other. However this huge list of people was not enough to save this documentary from being a little too boring and a little less than it could have been. If I was not as interested in comedy as I am I would have not liked it at all. I did appreciate the insight, but overall not that great of a movie, rent if you want the insight, otherwise skip it.

Rated: PG
Running Time: 98 Minutes
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero

Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
And all through Hollywood
Everyone was stiring
As well they should

It is time for movies
filled with Christmas cheer
and topped with dollar signs
it happens every year

The ones from the past
so funny so great
Kevin home alone
or a giant elf's fate

Arnold fights for a toy
Kevin left home alone again
Bill Murray as Scrooge
and a lamp thats a leg

This year we got
Christmas with the Kranks
Tim and Jamie Lee
and some silly Christmas pranks

It was just ok
not all that great
it might be all right
to go see with a date

Rent it maybe
or skip all together
this movie you wouldn't miss
if you saw it never.

And with a woosh I am off
to watch another flick
maybe this time some nudity
and some really hot chicks

So go see something else
there is plenty to see
turn off your cell phone
and don't sit next to me

Rated: R
Running Time: 86 Minutes
Year: 1981
Boobs: 1 Pair
One Sentence: More of the same, but someone new does the killing.

This movie, just was not as good as the one before, but are the sequels ever really that good? While the first one seemed to be thought out and a well placed horror movie, part 2, seemed to be a quick construction to get something out to bank on the sucess of the previous film, which usually nets very low quality. Part 2 was no exception.

First the into of this movie, nearly 10 minutes was a recap of the first movie, and I don't mean someone talking about it, but scenes from part 1! Just playing, and it really cut this movie down to about 70 minutes if you take out the credits, which is extremly short. The movie had little depth, and while it did keep to moving along the story, it was not great, and just threw a curve ball. Now this curve ball would pave the way for 8 other movies, but back in 81, I bet people were a bit lost.

Silly, quick, bad plot, and just not very much to it, really made part 2, just seem like more of part one repackaged with a new poster. But if you were going to watch and learn the whole story, you have to see this movie.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Buffy in Japan, but almost everyone is white!

So it was a scary movie, supposedly, by the guy that directed the ring, and the Japenese version of The Grudge. It was shot in Japan, but had the white people in it, becuase the white people are better, why not go to japan to shoot, but have white people in it, that's a good idea...or American's...I guess that is more of a correct term. One of them, the main one was Buffy, former vampire hunter, last heard of in France, "studying" with some guy. Psh, what a slut. So it seems she quit hunting vampires and moved to Japan to learn about crazy people, and that is where the scary evil comes in...*Cat sound* were you scared?

This movie was, how do I put this...Not very good at all. It was rushed, not thought out, not very scary, did not flesh out the story at all, and everywhere they could have done something cool, they didn't. The stair case scene was the best and scariest, the rest of the scenes, just did not seem to work, once they had been done on the ring, we do not need to seem them again, it won't work as well. *CAT NOISE*

The acting was worse than terrible, the best actor was the Japenese detective, Sarah and her man were god awful, OMG they were so bad, stop making me think about it, it's too scary, NO NO MAKE IT STOP!!! AHHHHHH! Maybe it was a bit scarier than I thought, I was not looking at it in the right way, as I now can say the acting was really bad. So I guess I have to say you can skip this movie all together, it's not better than the ring and you gain nothing from seeing it, it's all been done before and not very good.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time:
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Jimmy should have never left SNL.

Queen Latifah is cool, Jimmy is funny, I mean it should work right, it should be funny, the preview was solid, good music, good car chase scenes, some funny parts, not terrible at least, and I mean it is Jimmy, hes hilarious...right...

Um, maybe not this time. Taxi was overall a car crash, with unwitty dialogue, un-funny situations, terrible CG work, and only slightly cool car chase scenes, which were too short, and not that well thought out, and had the potential to be so much more. I really need to learn abour run-on sentences. Anyway, this movie just did not do it for me, it fell short on all parts of the story. It was not very funny, mildly, but not great. It was not action packed, again midly, but nothing amazing. It was not well thought out, 4 hot chicks in a BMW just walk into 4 banks in Manhattan, it has to be a little more complex, and while they tired to spin it a bit, it was done half-ass just like the rest of the movie.

But I guess it wasn't bad at all, it was clean, and complete, and I never thought this is just terrible. I guess I was expecting a little more out of it, I guess they should of let whoever was putting together the trailer direct the movie, becuase whoever did that, sure knows how to make a movie look good (at least for 2 minutes) Skip it, I would skip the rental too.

Rated: PG
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Finding Nemo's crappy ugly cousin.

I would first like to point out that there is something wrong with Dreamworks Animation and thier perception of the world...not like the animated world, but the concept of what the world likes, or what the world likes to look at maybe. Because in 3 animated features, and 1 flopped TV show, I can say that with exception to very few of the animals in Father of the Pride, they have the ugliest creatures, humans, animals, and sets. They are just vile, and when I first saw the preview for Shrek 1 a long time ago, I almost cried at how the humans looked. Shark Tale is equally as ugly, with ugly fish, that are ugly and annoying, and ugly. They really need to re-tool thier visual work.

Now onto the movie, which is not very good. The story is not that moving, and not that funny, it was very shallow, and just didn't seem to be nearly as fun as Shrek, or as well thought out. It defantialy did not stand up to anything Pixar has put out. The characters are solidly annoying, from an extremly sterotypical "hip hop" fish in the lead role, to a buch of others that follow along without keeping my intrest at all and who were really NOT funny. They seemed to rely on loud and flashy instead of smart and funny to keep the kids intrest, while I think the previous Dreamworks movies, did both, and did it well.

Will Smith, Squinty Eyes, Jack Black, and Angelina were not very good, I mean they just did not impress me with thier voice work. I thought Martin Scorcesse did a pretty good job, and De Nero played his stereotype well, but overall the whole movie was a let down and unless your kids force you to see it I would not even rent it.

Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Year: 2004
Boobs: Zero
One Sentence: Come watch a woman lose her husband right in front of her eyes and not even care.

If they could do that, then why did it end the way it did. Dumb.

I jumped twice